Friend, Follower, Fan, or Fake?

It’s a beautiful morning to think about what’s happening to the winning social network sites as we early adopters all get what we thought we wished for: mainstream acceptance. Well, now here came everybody and we have to deal with it.  Chris Brogan has a great post about this called Quid Pro No, which deals with unwelcome reciprocal friend/follow requests, and Brian Solis tackles the problem of “sponsored conversations,”  over on Tech Crunch. Ugh. The mere fact that the FTC is getting involved with how brands use Twitter means we’ve got problems, no matter which way it shakes out.

Here’s Brian: As you could possibly imagine, the reality of mass-sponsored tweets will raise a Tweetstorm that will immediately trigger a blogstorm, which will ultimately escalate into a full-blown Category 5 media hurricane. But the reality is, whether you agree with them or not, sponsored conversations and paid tweets are already here.  The question is how to use them correctly and responsibly.

And here I am, participating in the blogstorm.

Like many people who have been on all three major sites, I face the problem of potential “relationships” with both people and brands every day, because once people get on social media and figure out why they are there, they all become brands, even me.The same people who teach courses like “Advanced LinkedIn” teach “Growing Your Personal Brand.” I am, of course, throwing up in my mouth as I write this. I’m both a victim and a perpetrator.

As a person, and as a human-brand, I finally decided to treat online relationships like I do IRL. My brand is authenticity. I am fond of saying “I am transparent.” Well, I am. For example: I have quit following back on Twitter, am deleting people I followed back in the beginning when Twitter was smaller, and only follow people I have something in common with, know, or who post great content that can teach me something. I also have separate accounts for health care (ushealthcrisis) with @Karoli and @azentrepreneurs for my startup conferences. I’ve announced this on Twitter multiple times, and will continue to do so. It was getting so I couldn’t see the tweets of my guru, my daughter, and my business partner. Not to mention breaking news and other interesting links I want to follow, posted by people I respect.

On Facebook, I now actively friend only people I’ve already met IRL. I accept friend requests, but if I don’t recognize the name I don’t add the new people to my feed. I have several different lists, too. And I don’t become a fan or join a cause except in exceptional cases of true belief. I have also announced that. I spend one day a week hitting ignore. Events are a different story; I still want to know about them so I can decide to attend if I’m in town. If your event is in Cleveland, don’t invite me. I can’t come, and I probably won’t even RSVP, which will throw off all your food counts:-)

On LinkedIn, a site I hate, I maintain a public CV for speaking engagements and accept connections as a courtesy if I know the people.  I don’t spend much time there, because I find it an awkward site to manipulate. To me, it needs a total makeover. But I stay there because I want to connect people I value when they need my help. Having been there a long time I have a large network. I actually WANT to make that useful in the right circumstances. But I get to choose. Reputation is all I have. And connecting people is like fixing them up on blind dates. If they have a lousy time, they blame me.

It’s very hard to get me to write a recommendation for you, though, even if you write one for me:-) unless I mean it. I’m not a person who feels compelled to reciprocate about anything. People who have repeatedly invited me to dinner would starve if they waited for me to invite them back. (I don’t cook.)

These curious curations and apparently frivolous filters allow me to be authentic without relinquishing the joy of discovery or my “privacy.”

And thank you Chris and Brian for forcing me to collate my thoughts around this crucial subject. I would friend you both anywhere:-