Heart Broken

by francine Hardaway on March 15, 2008

One of my former foster kids is pregnant. Yes, she’s 23 and not a teen-ager. But she also dropped out of school after 8th grade and has never had a job for more than six months; she is always let go because she’s not competent. I wanted her to get a GED, but she has never gotten around to that either.

Admittedly, she has had a hard row. She has been in foster care since age 8, when her father committed suicide (drugs) and her mother became a crack whore (still is one).

Her brother Jerry lived with me and my husband. She lived in a very nice foster home. But when the home fell apart, she had to go to a group home. From there, she lived with me, but as a teen she “borrowed” my car and the foster care system removed her from my home. They thought she needed more supervision, so they put her in a group home from which she ran away. When she was eighteen, she moved back in with me, but after a while she began “borrowing” my credit cards and I had to kick her out.

One of her boyfriends also broke into my house and walked out with TVs, stereos — all the stuff you sell for drugs, along with a beautiful handmade Indian quilt that was irreplaceable. They didn’t want the quilt; they used it to wrap all the other stuff in, the police told me. I cared more about the quilt than anything else.

I’ve always stood behind her in a crisis. Most recently, I co-signed on an apartment lease for her with another woman roommate. The other woman, ostensibly a Lesbian, was turning tricks to make extra money and got pregnant. That left A. with the lease. Eventually, she bailed on it to live with another woman who has two children and works at Lowe’s. I did a workout with the landlord.

A. has always wished for a family and always has been willing to do anything for a man. The first time she got pregant, I took her for an abortion because she was 19 and we agreed she was too young to care for a child. But now she’s 23, everyone around her has a child, and she wants one. So she has gotten pregnant (by a 17-year-old boy who has already gone back to his father in another state).

Last night she texted me to tell me she was having a boy.

A. Hey how r u doing? Me okay found out its a boy Im thrilled n little scared.
F. Do you have a way to support him?
A.Yeah I do why always those?s jus feel ur never happy 4 me or anythang i do I wish sometimes u wouldnt knw why I’m always on ur sht list. never mind I though u’d be excited 4 me.
F. I am concerned for a baby dependent on you, like you were on your mom
F. If you were working I sould be thrilled. Or even (your brother) could help. What if D. throws you out? Have you gone to FreshStart, AWEE?
A. I’m not my momdnt do drug anymorenot even weed dont drink dnt sell myself. i jus dont understand why u cnt blieve n me. There’s a lot more to raising a kid than money u do need it but just as well as everythang else She’s not like everyone I used 2 knw she does give a damn n has done good herself with 2 kids and no one 2 help
F. Agree about money but wait until he isn’t up to speed in school because he hasn’t been to pre-school Or he wants to play soccer and you can’t afford the uniform. I love you but you are in denial. You need a job.
A. He is going nevermind sory 4 even tell n u just cnt think positive 4 me
Ucnt judge if u dnt knw didnt think u liked to put me down i will prove u wrong since u dnt believe in me
F. I love u but remember you bailed on a lease and aren’t working. What should I believe in.
A. Not everybody makes six figures like u do and do great with what they do make. Wel char some time down that road jus a shame u dnt have faith in me but everyone else u do gdngt.

A. hen screw it dnt need ur opinion me n kid wil do just fine. I got great people n my life nw who love me and are there 4 me more than anyone else is or used 2 be. And I got faith and do 4 ur info start at starbucks nexr wk.
F. Great!
A. Had no other way no one helped was paying all by myself and had no more money to pay sht anymre so i did m very buest u just didn’t c it. Only I know what I went through and did.

Two people who love each other very much are talking across the chasm of their backgrounds. Wait until she sees the baby car seat I got her. Just like the one I got for the Scobles :-) I am happy for her if she can keep a job and support the child. Of course I am. Just don’t want her to be another generation of welfare mom.

An IRS audit (yes, one of those coming up) is nothing to me compared to this. The IRS can only take my money. These kids can break my heart.

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