My Online Dating Experience: PlentyofFish.

by francine Hardaway on January 21, 2008

So after hearing the founder of talk about how he runs it out of his apartment, I decided to once again make a foray into online dating. A man who lives on the East Coast is writing to me, and he desribes his ideal date. He’s my age and eligible:

I am wearing my new Calvin Kline suit for this date. I love the new side vents that give me more comfort when I wear it. I also get more comfort when I dance. The old single back vent rode up when I put my arms up to dance a waltz. Then I like my Burberry Camels hair overcoat for chilly nights and cuddling in the back of cabs as well.

So I was out by 6:30, freshly shaved and awash in Old Spice, (reminds me so of my Dad), I am on my way to your house. I’ve had the car details to get rid of all my road trip trash and old Burger King smells. I like the “New Car scent” the best. Something about the smell of fresh vinyl. Must be a subtle addiction to some cancerous sub-compound in the vinyl.

Coming down the street looking for your address I see an old stone house and the correct house number. Arriving at your door and I knock, checking to see how loud the door reverberates to judge if a knock is sufficient, then ring the bell if necessary. Waiting I listen for foot steps…Ah there, I hear heals and nylons… And there goes the door – ‘Hello – here I am?” You invite me in and I wait till you’re finishing dressing. A look around the room reveals an elegant lady with fine taste. Photos of children happy to pose for their mom. classic photos of Grandma and Granddad in their 50’s looking way. A nice sofa for guest, intimate talk and set in front of a nice fireplace stoked with wood awaiting a lit match…

You appear down the hall from your bedroom. Elegant and quaffed; hair well blown, immaculately dressed, impeccable and sleek, a cashmere top, my ears tinkle at the swish swish of your nylons. Opening the closet door, you offer your cashmere top and leather jacket to me. [Good thing my Mom taught me how to be a gentleman at moments like this. First the left arm then the right, then lift the coat onto your shoulders.] Now I smell your perfume and hairspray, remembrances of my mom when she dressed for Dad. [I think it’s called, Beyond Paradise.] As you hand me the jacket your fingers graze the back of your hand, the warmth of your skin felt good. You smile at me and receive willingly the jacket upon your soft shoulders.

Then you reach and open the door for me and we step onto the porch, the cool spring evening air has picked up the scent of the lilacs that grow close to the wrap around porch rail. The breeze makes the swing creak, and the kitten jumps off and scatters away. …………

Walking to the car I feel like a million dollars with you besides me. I am a lucky guy tonight. Opening the car door on the passenger side I am reminded how quaint and short the feminist mandate for “opening you own doors” lasted. Now returning to traditional rituals feels so good to me and my sense of romance. Sliding into my side of the car, I am reminded of your perfume by the enclosed space the front seat of the car makes. You overpower my vinyl sent with you warm body and perfume.

Per you request, we are going to the new restaurant in Fairport; an upscale Mexican with the best reported mole chicken in the state. I have heard the owner and her husband spend hours shopping and blending the ingredients then working with mortar and pestle to grind it into a thick creamy sauce one could die for. I drive slowly at first and carefully not to frighten you with boyish rubber burning, gear shifting, antics appropriate to a 19year old. Onto the freeway, switching from the business new to easy listening, I find Rod Stewart singing “The closeness of you”. One of my favorite romance tunes; though Johnny Mathis is my favorite and an Alumnus of my college………..


I think a moment, and politely compose my response:

I think you are at the wrong house! You enter my house, acompanied by a cacaphony of barking dogs who shed all over your suit. You will come out “wearing” Buppy the Puppy. I am wearing jeans, and unwilling to change, as all I ever wear is jeans. You can have dinner anywhere in California in jeans. And I’m near the ocean. Everyone in this town is a hippie or a young techie. Haven’t worn nylons in years, and never do my hair: a good cut and a shampoo, and I’m good to go.

But I go put on a silk jacket that I had made in China. After all, I am not rude.

We get into your car, and I ask if I can change the music to hip hop or listen to the news on NPR. I used to listen to Johnny Mathis in high school, and also went through the Rod Stewart phase, but I really like modern music, too.

I love Mexican food, and I eat everything on my plate. I drink two glasses of red wine with it. I make you laugh. I tell you about my weird-ass life.

You can’t wait to get me home; you are scared to death of me and think I’m some sort of freak. When I get home, I blog about it,and it’s all over the Internet before morning. Now you really hate me.

Whatd’ya think? Will we have a second date?

{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Lo January 21, 2008 at 6:43 pm

I came across this quite randomly, but thanks for the laughs. Classic!

For what it’s worth, based on this I’d much rather date you than him.

francine hardaway January 21, 2008 at 7:10 pm

At least PlentyofFish let me in! I was rejected when I tried to register for eHarmony a couple of years ago.

Corey Kossack January 22, 2008 at 1:17 pm

Hahaha you are my favorite teacher ever! :) I bet this guy had no idea that as he was writing his ever-so-eloquent letter to you, that it would end up on a blog meant for techies and entrepreneurs.

A roommate of mine (to remain nameless) was poking around the other night I heard… that was the first I ever heard of it. Let me know how the experience continues to go for you, it’s interesting to hear about! :)


francine hardaway January 22, 2008 at 1:31 pm

There are an awful lot of people on it, and I get a lot of traffic! Have I met my heart throb? Not quite yet…

Lisa Wines January 23, 2008 at 6:35 am

Buhahaha! He lost me at the Old Spice. (gag!)

You are so brave Francine – especially after your eHarmony foray.

You will be wearing Buppy the Puppy. I’m still laughing.

dawn January 23, 2008 at 6:58 am

As I was reading it, I was thinking that he doesn’t know you very well (and I’ve only been following you for a month). Nylons?


Who wears nylons anymore. Yuck. They are bondage, I swear.

I’m with you. A shampoo and a haircut, jeans, good Mexican food, a margarita (or wine, in your case), now that’s a fun date. :-)

Mo Kakwan January 25, 2008 at 10:25 am

“my ears tinkle at the swish swish of your nylons”!?!? *laugh* yikes.

Your date idea is much better. Much much less pressure.

Jack Kessler January 29, 2008 at 10:25 pm

One moral of which is:

So long 20th, hello 21st!

francine hardaway January 30, 2008 at 7:25 am

I have never been able to figure out what the dating conventions are in any century. And yet, I’ve been married more than once. To people who also didn’t understand dating.

Chris February 7, 2008 at 3:30 pm

Well, there are… plenty of fish. :)

Ann Handley February 7, 2008 at 3:40 pm

Francine — THIS is priceless! I love it. Thanks for a much-needed laugh!

Randi Cramer February 7, 2008 at 5:11 pm

you’re just as pretentious as he is. get real and get over yourself.

Draugai February 15, 2008 at 1:27 pm

So true lol

Sarah February 16, 2008 at 12:27 pm

If your looking for a good online dating website check out

Irwin February 26, 2008 at 9:35 pm

Its amazing…. I just love your site.

Michael April 16, 2008 at 4:59 am

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Michael April 16, 2008 at 4:59 am

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Michael April 16, 2008 at 5:00 am

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Plentyoffish June 15, 2008 at 5:16 pm

Woh, nice dating site. He is just so mart and master-mind in marketing. I am impressed.

Plenty of fish September 18, 2008 at 10:18 am

Very nice free dating site and talk about Mr. Frind. He is so great and popular these days. He is the best that I am impressed.

Thanks for sharing this great article.

Asians January 31, 2009 at 5:51 pm

All Asians know about plenty of fish. He is popular these days.
thanks for sharing.

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